A few years ago I was working in a psychiatric hospital, leading group discussions with those who had recently been hospitalized or discharged. Those in attendance included teachers, business leaders, police officers, and individuals in the community who were living relatively stable lives, until an unexpected tragedy or loss threw them into a mental health crisis. Others had been struggling for longer stretches. Some of the most meaningful discussions we had together involved unearthing the myths and misconceptions about mental health. Though there’s a lot less stigma today than there once was about what it means to be struggling and needing more support, there are still a lot of negative stories and myths about what “normal” functioning looks like.

For those who have ever been called introverted, shy, sensitive, or socially anxious, and for those who self-identify as any of the above, the myths are vast. At best, these narratives can create a chronic feeling of being an outsider and feeling misunderstood. At worst, these negative beliefs can cause a lot of harm. Myths can originate from family, peers, partners, even teachers or bosses. Hearing faulty descriptions about ourselves again and again can result in “masking” or social camouflaging – hiding or concealing our thoughts, feelings, or our personalities in order to fit in. Full disclosure: I’m speaking from experience.

Before we dive in to the myths, let’s talk about the difference between introverts, shyness, high sensitivity, and social anxiety

Introverts

Core trait: According to author and researcher Susan Cain, introverts feel most alive, switched-on, and capable when they’re in quieter, more low-key environments. It’s about energy management.

Defining features: Introverts feel drained by too much social interaction and recharge by spending time in solitude. They often prefer deep, one-on-one conversations over large group settings. According to Cain, introverts prefer depth over breadth in relationships and interests; tend to be reflective, introspective, and observant; thrive in calm, quiet, or solitary environments; and often express themselves better in writing than in speaking.

Introverts aren’t necessarily shy or anxious: An introvert might be very confident and secure in their core relationships. They just need more alone time to recharge, and they tend to have a low tolerance for small talk. Introverts tend to have a rich inner world and don’t always feel the need to share their perspective just to contribute to the conversation.

Key signs: You prefer solitude or small groups, but you’re not necessarily fearful of people. The world is often built for extroverts — open offices, fast-paced networking environments, and group work — but introverts bring unique strengths like deep thinking, creativity, and empathy.

Books to check out if you’re introverted: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, and Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts by Susan Cain with Gregory Mone and Erica Moroz.

2. Shyness

Core trait: According to the American Psychological Association, shyness is the tendency to feel awkward, worried, or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people.

Defining features: A shy person may want to interact with others but tends to feel nervous or self-conscious doing so. Shyness can fade over time, or through conscious effort to feel more comfortable in social settings.

Shy folks are not always introverted: A shy person might actually love being around people once they feel comfortable. Being shy is not a personality type, and it’s not a disorder. It’s more of a behavioral response, often temporary and situational, though for some it can feel persistent.

Key signs: You tend to hesitate or feel nervous when initiating or participating in social interactions. You may have a harsh inner critic and worry about how you’re perceived by others.

3. Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)

Core trait: High sensitivity to sensory and emotional stimuli. HSPs are more sensitive to their environments, which often includes other people, and they pick up on subtleties that are missed by many non-HSPs.

Defining features: HSPs process information and emotions deeply. They may be more affected by loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, or the emotional states of others. HSPs can feel overstimulated after a stretch of socializing and may feel that their social battery is drained because they are so highly attuned to the experiences and moods of those around them.

Overlap with introversion and social anxiety: About 70% of HSPs are introverts, but that means about 30% are extroverts. According to author and researcher Elaine Aron, HSPs are no more likely to have social anxiety unless they’ve had negative or invalidating early experiences.

Key signs: You are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation or emotional input. You’re highly attuned to the moods and emotions of others, and you tend to be highly empathic.

Books to read if you’re an HSP: The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, and Sensitive by Jen Granneman and Andre Solo. If you’re a psychotherapist, try Psychotherapy for the Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.

4. Social Anxiety (Social Anxiety Disorder)

Core trait: Intense fear of social judgment.

Defining features: A mental health condition where social situations cause significant anxiety, fear, and avoidance. This goes beyond shyness and can interfere with daily living. According to the DSM5, the fear can be triggered by a performance or social situation that involves unfamiliar people or possible scrutiny by others. Someone with social anxiety (previously called social phobia) fears they will act in a way or have outward signs of anxiety that will be humiliating or embarrassing.

Social anxiety is not the same as introversion or shyness: Someone with social anxiety may desperately want to connect with others but feels crippled by fear of embarrassment or rejection.

Key signs: You experience persistent, overwhelming fear of being judged, watched, or humiliated in social settings. This can trigger a pattern of avoiding or minimally participating in social interactions.

If you’re in any of these four groups, at times you’ll experience waves of fear or panic, a sense of overwhelm or overstimulation, and/or a nervous system that is dysregulated. This can feel like a racing heart, sweating, shakiness, and GI distress, among other signs. It can feel similar in the body, but many of the myths about these experiences come from a misunderstanding or a tendency to lump everyone into one box.

Here are some of the most common myths I've heard:

Myths About Introverts

Myth: “Introverts are antisocial”

Truth: Introverts aren’t antisocial, they’re selectively social. They often prefer deeper conversations or meaningful one-on-one time, not constant small talk or crowds.

Myth: “Introverts don’t like people”

Truth: Introverts may love people — like HSPs, they may just get mentally and emotionally drained by too much stimulation, or by large groups. They may prefer to participate through deep listening, observing, and thoughtful reflection more than verbally contributing to every discussion.

Myth: “Introverts need to come out of their shell”

Truth: There's no shell. Introverts might be fully confident — just quieter, observant, or more inwardly focused.

Myth: “Introverts can’t be leaders”

Truth: In her book Quiet, Susan Cain challenges the idea that charisma and extroversion are the keys to leadership. Instead, she shows how introverts bring a unique, often overlooked style of leadership that’s thoughtful, empathetic, and quietly powerful.

Myths About Shy People

Myth: “You seem rude or stuck up”

Truth: Shyness can look like avoidance or silence, but it usually comes from nervousness, not arrogance.

Myth: “Shy people don’t want to talk”

Truth: Many shy people crave connection — they just struggle with how to initiate, the timing at which to contribute to conversations, and they may struggle to feel seen and understood.

Myth: “Shy people aren’t confident”

Truth: Shyness doesn’t always reflect self-esteem. Some very self-assured people still feel shy in certain settings.

Myth: “Shy people are socially awkward in all contexts”

Truth: Shyness can cause some to tense up, worry about how others are perceiving them, and withdraw from social interactions. Most people experience this from time to time and may feel awkward. No one is shy or awkward in every context, and there are many tools and strategies that can help a shy person feel more comfortable.

Myths About Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)

Myth: “You’re too emotional and dramatic”

Truth: HSPs have a more finely tuned nervous system. They actually process things more deeply, both emotionally and sensorily. It’s true that those who are highly sensitive may cry during movies or experience a deep sense of anger when someone is treated unfairly. They are also deeply moved by nature and music, and experience a sense of awe and wonder as they move through the world to which many non-HSPs can’t relate.

Myth: “You need to toughen up”

Truth: Sensitivity isn’t weakness, it’s a temperament trait and it’s innate. HSPs can be incredibly strong. The toughness myth has created harm for so many sensitive individuals, especially for young boys and/or anyone who doesn’t fit the expectations of their family of origin.

Myth: “You overreact to everything”

Truth: What seems like an overreaction might just be a natural reaction to too much stimulation, especially in chaotic or emotionally charged environments.

Myth: “You’re overthinking this”

Truth: HSPs can be labeled as “overthinkers” (and many self-identify as such). The highly sensitive have a tendency to engage in deeper processing because they are deep thinkers. It’s not always a bad thing. Many of the most brilliant minds have been highly sensitive and have thought up innovative ideas and theories.

Myths About Folks with Social Anxiety

Myth: “You’re just shy”

Truth: Social anxiety is not just shyness — it’s a clinical anxiety disorder that can be debilitating and can affect someone’s daily life in profound ways.

Myth: “You don’t want to be around people and will flake on plans”

Truth: Many people with social anxiety desperately want connection, but feel overwhelmed by fear of rejection, embarrassment, or judgment. Fear creates an urge to avoid, which can be so strong that it can take over. Leaving a social interaction early or canceling plans altogether can be more about self-preservation than about judging others negatively.

Myth: “You just need to get over it and relax”

Truth: Telling someone with social anxiety to “just relax” is like telling someone with a broken leg to “just walk it off.” It minimizes something real and serious.

Myth: “Don’t care about what other people think, just let it go”

Truth: If only it were that easy. Social anxiety is not just a pattern of thinking or behaving, or an emotion one can let go of. It won’t be easy, but social anxiety is highly treatable. Some of the best treatment approaches are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), mindfulness and acceptance-based practices like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), social skills training, group therapy,and lifestyle changes and holistic approaches such as focusing on sleep hygiene, developing a consistent exercise routine, cleaning up nutrition habits, reducing caffeine and alcohol, incorporating meditation or yoga, and journaling to track progress and triggers. A medication evaluation can also be helpful when social anxiety is creating a high level of distress, and there are clinical trials being conducted using ketamine assisted psychotherapy for treatment of social anxiety.

Have you experienced any of these, or other harmful myths?

I offer psychotherapy, EMDR therapy, CBT, ACT, and ketamine assisted psychotherapy at my offices in San Francisco and Marin, California. I also offer online therapy for individuals in California and North Carolina. Contact me to schedule a free 20-minute consultation to see if we might be a good fit, so you can begin to explore some of the myths you have experienced.

Introvert? Shy? Sensitive? Social Anxiety?: Common Myths and Misconceptions