Social Anxiety in Highly Sensitive People: Why It Feels So Intense (and What Helps)

Inspired by the work of Elaine Aron on Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)

For many highly sensitive people, social situations can feel like stepping into a spotlight.

It’s as if the music stops, all eyes are suddenly on you, and you begin to sweat.  While others might navigate small talk or group settings with ease, HSPs often experience a heightened sense of self-awareness, overstimulation, and worry about how they are being perceived.

This isn’t just shyness. It’s social anxiety layered on top of a finely tuned nervous system.

Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, explains that HSPs process information and emotions deeply.

This depth of processing is a strength, but it also means that social interactions can feel more charged, more overwhelming, and more exhausting.

Why Social Anxiety Hits So Hard for HSPs

If you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), chances are you’ve felt social anxiety more intensely than those around you.

Maybe you walk into a party and immediately sense the tension in the room. Or your heart starts pounding before you speak up in a meeting, and the worry of being judged feels unbearable.

For HSPs, social anxiety isn’t just about overthinking. It’s about the whole body reacting in a way that’s out of proportion to the threat.

So why does social anxiety in highly sensitive people feel especially intense? And more importantly, what actually helps?

Overstimulation in Social Settings

HSPs often experience heightened exteroception, or sensitivity to external sensory input.

This means you’re more likely to notice the brightness of lights, the background hum of a conversation, or the subtle shift in someone’s tone. While this keen awareness can deepen empathy and connection, it also contributes to overstimulation.

When your nervous system is bombarded with external cues on top of internal sensations, it’s no wonder that social situations can feel overwhelming.

You might notice that crowded rooms, competing background noise, and shifting dynamics in conversation can quickly flood an HSP’s nervous system.

While others may thrive in lively environments, HSPs often find their senses working overtime, which can trigger anxious thoughts and a strong desire to retreat. 

Heightened Self-Awareness

Another factor to consider is interoception: your ability to sense and interpret internal signals like your heartbeat, hunger, or the feeling of a tight chest when you’re anxious.

For HSPs, interoception is often turned up high. This can make you more attuned to your body’s signals, but it also means that the physical symptoms of social anxiety like a racing heart, shallow breathing, or nausea, can feel especially intense and hard to ignore.

It’s Not Just “In Your Head.” Your Body Is On High Alert, Amplifying the Experience.

HSPs also tend to notice the subtle details in how others are responding.

That slight change in tone, a glance that lingers a moment too long, or the sigh that was a little too loud. This heightened attunement, while valuable in building empathy, can also fuel self-consciousness.

HSPs may interpret neutral cues as negative, intensifying social anxiety. And HSPs have a hard time tuning out these cues. A slightly raised eyebrow, a barely concealed smile, or flickering eye contact between conversation partners can send an HSP into overdrive. 

Old Narratives Resurface

Many HSPs grew up feeling “too much” or “different,” which can create a pervasive sense of being an outsider.

Social anxiety can tap into these early beliefs, stirring up stories like “I don’t fit in,” “I’m awkward,” “People won’t understand me.” When these narratives resurface, they reinforce the familiar fear of being judged or rejected.

And when we happen to say something a few moments too late or tell a joke that doesn’t land, it can feel like a grenade was just dropped into the conversation and that we’ll never recover.

Depth Over Small Talk

Highly sensitive people crave meaning and depth in their relationships.

Casual small talk may feel shallow or draining, leaving HSPs wondering why others seem so comfortable with it. The mismatch can make them feel even more like an outsider, fueling anxious self-doubt.

I find that I need to build myself up for days or even weeks before attending something like a professional conference, where I’ll be expected to take in a very busy and overstimulating environment, engage in loads of small talk and networking, listen intently to presentations, and engage with hundreds of people at surface-level only.

If you’re like me, you might find yourself comparing yourself to others and wondering if anyone else is waiting for the right moment to bolt.

Absorbing Others’ Emotions

HSPs often pick up on the moods of people around them. In a social gathering, this can mean carrying not only their own anxiety, but also the emotional undercurrents of the group. It’s no wonder exhaustion sets in so quickly.

You may wonder if the anger you’re carrying in your chest is “your” anger, or if you’re just highly attuned to the person standing next to you, ranting about a colleague or a missed opportunity.

You may have been feeling a little anxious when you walked in, but now you find yourself flooded with feelings of sadness after noticing the barely concealed grief on the face of a friend. Not only is this confusing to the system, but it can create even more burden to an already overstimulated nervous system.

What Helps: Calming Social Anxiety as an HSP

1. Prepare and Pace Yourself

Before entering a social situation, give yourself space to ground.

Take a few deep breaths, go for a walk with your bare feet in the grass, do some stretching, or try journaling. Remind yourself that it’s okay to leave early or take breaks.

Give yourself one or two intentions, based on what’s in your control. Preparation helps your nervous system feel safer.

2. Focus on Connection, Not Performance

Shift your inner narrative from “Am I doing this right?” to “How can I connect with just one person?”

Genuine curiosity often quiets anxiety, and can help soothe the urge to mask or show up in a way that’s performative.

3. Create Gentle Exits

Create a plan to step outside, find a quiet space, or politely take a break from the conversation.

While some might shudder at the idea of being the person who pulls out their phone to create an excuse for a quick exit, having a plan can reduce anticipatory anxiety and provide armor against the urge to skip the whole event altogether.

Sometimes just knowing you have an option helps you stay present longer.

4. Challenge Old Beliefs

Notice the inner critic that says “I don’t belong.”

These stories often come from the past, not the present. Experiential forms of therapy such as EMDR can help process those old experiences and memories so they don’t dictate the interactions you’re having today.

5. Seek Communities That Value Depth

When HSPs find environments where authenticity is welcome, they often thrive.

You might try something new like an open mic night, a painting class, a talk by someone with interesting life experiences, or a workshop on a potential new hobby.

Structured activities often calm social anxiety, since there’s less room for the uncertainty of mingling aimlessly. Choosing spaces that honor your sensitivity makes socializing less draining and more fulfilling.

What Will Therapy Do For a Highly Sensitive Person with Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety in highly sensitive people isn’t a flaw.

It’s a reflection of a nervous system that feels deeply and processes thoroughly. With the right tools, support, and environments, HSPs can move from avoidance to meaningful connection that has the depth you’re craving.

Therapy for social anxiety can provide practical strategies, while also addressing the underlying beliefs and past experiences that make socializing feel so intense.

Are You Considering Therapy?

If you identify as an HSP and have felt overwhelmed in social settings, know that you’re not alone. With a little courage and support, you can find ways to connect in a way that’s meaningful to you, so it doesn’t just feel like you’re white knuckling your way through the fear that you don’t belong.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to help. Contact me to schedule a complementary 20-minute consultation and explore how therapy, whether relational therapy, EMDR therapy, art therapy, or ketamine-assisted psychotherapy can support you in finding calm, confidence, and community as a highly sensitive person. I tend to work best with those who struggle with social anxiety, imposter syndrome, athletes, and those who have experienced trauma. I have offices in San Francisco and Corte Madera (Marin county) California.

About the Author

Written by Dr. Amy Waldron, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in supporting highly sensitive folks (HSPs) manage patterns of overthinking, social anxiety, imposter syndrome, and recovery from trauma. With close to 15 years of experience supporting clients at various stages of healing, Dr. Waldron now writes about the use of EMDR, ketamine assisted psychotherapy, art therapy, and relational psychotherapy based on her work with clients in the San Francisco Bay Area.