The Hidden Cost of Masking for Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)

Have you ever left a social situation feeling drained, replaying every word you said, and realizing the whole thing felt like a performance?

That’s the experience of masking, a psychological and emotional strategy many sensitive, neurodivergent, anxious, and trauma-affected folks develop to stay safe and fit in. 

In my work as a trauma therapist specializing in working with highly sensitive people (HSPs), those with social anxiety, and trauma recovery, I often see how masking has helped my clients survive. I can also see how masking quietly disconnects them from their authentic selves, creating a sense of chronic loneliness.

What Does It Mean to “Mask” as an HSP? 

Masking means suppressing or hiding parts of who you are, be it your emotions, reactions, personality traits, or sensory needs in order to fit in, avoid judgment or rejection, or appear neurotypical.

It’s a kind of social camouflage we use to edit ourselves to feel a sense of belonging, acceptance, and safety. 

Those Who Mask Might: 

• Smile and agree when they actually feel hurt or overwhelmed

• Monitor their tone, posture, or expressions or develop scripts in order to seem “normal” or “in control”

• Try to mirror the nonverbal behavior of others or force small talk, even when it’s uncomfortable

• Downplay their sensitivity, creativity, or humor to avoid being “weird” or “awkward”

• Overperform confidence or competence to mask insecurity or anxiety

For some, masking is conscious: “I can’t let anyone see how nervous I am.” For others, it’s automatic, a habituated pattern that started in childhood as a way to stay safe.

Why Do HSPs Mask?

Masking is often a survival strategy, an adaptation to social or emotional threat.

It's striving to feel accepted and that we belong. The cost? Emotional exhaustion. Clients who mask often describe feeling like they’re constantly “on,” performing a version of themselves that doesn’t quite match how they feel inside.

Many clients I work with began masking in childhood as a way to avoid criticism, conflict, or emotional disconnection from caregivers or peers. It can also arise in professional or social settings where sensitivity, emotional expression, or neurodivergent traits aren’t well understood or accepted. 

Those Who Are Especially Vulnerable to Masking: 

Highly Sensitive People (HSPs)

Often notice subtle social cues in others and learn to mirror them. They may try to hide signs of emotional intensity to avoid seeming like “too much” for others.

Trauma Survivors

May mask vulnerability or signs of distress to stay safe or maintain a sense of control in an unpredictable environment. They may also fall into a fawn trauma response, an unconscious attempt to appease others in order to de-escalate the perceived threat

Anyone with Social Anxiety or Imposter Syndrome

Often fear being exposed as “not enough” or “found out”, so they may overcompensate and try to appear perfectly competent, capable and confident. 

Neurodivergent Folks

Frequently learn to suppress stimming behaviors and mask communication styles that differ from the social norm in order to blend in socially or meet workplace expectations.

In most cases, masking develops as a strategy for protection. It’s important to practice self-compassion, rather than treat ourselves with hostility or heap on more shame. 

It’s also important to develop awareness that chronic masking takes a toll, and can steal opportunities for emotional authenticity and connection. In some cases, it can lead to chronic feelings of loneliness, emptiness, and feeling misunderstood.

The Psychological Cost of Masking

In the moment, masking can help us feel temporarily safe, seen, or accepted.

But it comes at a psychological price. Clients often describe a sense of disconnection from their genuine sense of self. It's  as though they’re performing a role instead of living their own lives based on what's meaningful and authentic. 

For HSPs, Over Time Masking Can Lead to: 

Chronic Anxiety and Hypervigilance

Constantly scanning for social danger impacts our threat detection system. The fear of “slipping up” or being found out can keep your nervous system on high alert.

Emotional Exhaustion and Burnout

Consistently monitoring your behavior and communication for “mistakes” is mentally draining. Have you ever returned home from a social event or a long day at work and felt a full-body crash?

Depression or Emptiness

When you hide core parts of yourself and bury your authentic feelings, joy and spontaneity often fade, too. Masking makes it difficult to engage meaningfully with the world.

Difficulty with Intimacy

Genuine connection requires vulnerability, something masking makes nearly impossible.

The paradox is that masking is a strategy we unconsciously develop in order to connect and belong, yet it can leave us feeling profoundly lonely and invisible. 

The Role of Interoception and Exteroception in Masking

Two key concepts that can help understand masking are interoception and exteroception.

Interoception

Interoception is your ability to sense what’s happening inside your body, your awareness of your heartbeat, breathing, gut sensations, and signals of distress.

Highly sensitive folks or those with anxiety tend to have strong interoceptive awareness, which can make emotional experiences feel especially intense.

When masking, many people override these signals to appear calm or composed, which can create internal disconnection and stress.

Exteroception

Exteroception, on the other hand, is your awareness of what’s happening outside your body. It’s the system that’s tracking the environment around you, social cues, and possibly the emotions and moods of others.

HSPs often have heightened exteroceptive sensitivity, picking up subtle details in their environment. While this makes HSPs deeply empathetic and observant, it can also lead to overstimulation and self-consciousness, reinforcing the impulse to mask.

Learning to balance these two forms of awareness is a good place to start. Intentionally bringing awareness to your internal state and your external surroundings, without slipping into judgment or hypervigilance, can be a powerful step toward authenticity and regulation.

How to Begin Unmasking

If you recognize yourself in these patterns, you’re not alone. But you can't expect yourself to rip the mask off all at once. 

Here are a few gentle, effective ways to start releasing the mask:

1. Notice When You’re Masking

Start by observing when and where it happens.

Do you feel the need to appear calm at work? Confident around friends? Cheerful with family? Simply noticing these shifts without judgment builds awareness, which is the first step toward change. 

2. Try Not to Be So Hard on Yourself

When you notice the urge to mask, or that you've been doing it for hours, it still counts as progress.

This is often the most difficult stage. You can feel yourself doing it but you still go ahead and do it anyway. Even if you're not ready to make any changes, awareness of triggers and your subsequent response is a critical step. Try not to criticize or shame yourself.

3. Notice What Happens in Your Body

Your body often signals discomfort before your mind does.

Highly sensitive people often have strong interoceptive awareness, meaning they feel internal sensations deeply.

When you start masking, notice what happens in your body: Does your jaw tighten? Does your breathing change? What was happening moments before you clicked into that habituated response?

Grounding techniques like slow exhalations or gentle movement can help you return to yourself. 

4. Practice Micro-Dosing Authenticity

You don’t have to drop the mask all at once.

Try small, safe experiments. Try saying “Actually I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now.” Let your true laughter show with one person who feels safe. Disagree with someone over something small.

Over time, these moments build self-trust and can retrain your nervous system to associate authenticity with safety.

5. Catch Yourself When You're Repeating Old Stories

Many people who mask carry internalized messages that developed during a highly stressful experience from childhood, like "Just look normal, stop being weird,” or “If I show my emotions I'll look weak (and I’ll experience rejection, disconnection, or pain).”

Therapy, especially approaches like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), can help uncover and heal the root of these beliefs.

6. Find Spaces and Communities that are Stoked to Meet the Real You

Healing happens in connection.

Surround yourself with people who value the version of you that is honest and vulnerable, in all of your emotional depth. Notice settings that demand or reinforce the polished version.

Try out a few communities that tend to connect around a shared creative hobby, a form of movement, or spiritual connection. See which version of you shows up, even if you aren’t ready to reveal it to everyone.

It takes time, but surrounding yourself with like-minded souls will allow your authentic self to breathe and grow. 

Should I Go to Therapy if I’m an HSP Who Wants to Let Go of Masking and Social Anxiety?

Masking is an adaptation that is conditioned over time, one that often emerges from a deep longing to connect and belong. But living behind a mask for too long can quietly erode your sense of self. 

Therapy can help you explore who you are beneath the performance, reconnect with your body’s natural signals, and learn to feel safe expressing your authentic self, even in the presence of others.

As a psychotherapist, I help clients gently explore the layers of masking that developed as a form of protection, and learn to reconnect with their authentic selves.

Therapy Can Include:

• Nervous system regulation techniques to manage spikes of anxiety and overstimulation.

• EMDR therapy to heal old traumas that are at the root of masking

• Mindful awareness and somatic exercises to build safety in authentic self-expression

• Exploration of your sense of identity, strengths, and creativity as an HSP or an introvert.

If you recognize the strain of masking in your own life, know that it’s a pattern you can learn to gently let go of. You can slowly discover the ways you’ve been hiding your sensitivity or filtering how you show up in order to be accepted.

The world needs people who feel deeply, think deeply, and show up authentically. 

At one point or another masking was an act of brilliance, a survival strategy that got you through moments that felt terrifying.

But you deserve more than survival. You deserve to live from a place of truth, calm, and genuine connection. The journey toward unmasking is not about forcing authenticity. It’s about remembering who you were before you learned to hide.

Ready to Explore Therapy?

If you’ve been in survival mode and masking without even realizing it, therapy can help. I offer in-person therapy in San Francisco and Corte Madera (Marin county) California, and online therapy throughout California, North Carolina, and Florida.

I work best with highly sensitive people, overthinkers, those who struggle with social anxiety or imposter syndrome, anyone healing from trauma, and athletes and creatives struggling with performance anxiety. I provide EMDR therapy, ketamine-assisted psychotherapy, and art therapy along with traditional forms of relational psychotherapy.

About the Author

Written by Dr. Amy Waldron, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in supporting highly sensitive folks (HSPs) manage patterns of overthinking, social anxiety, imposter syndrome, and recovery from trauma. With close to 15 years of experience supporting clients at various stages of healing, Dr. Waldron now writes about the use of EMDR, ketamine assisted psychotherapy, art therapy, and relational psychotherapy based on her work with clients in the San Francisco Bay Area.